Dog Gone Dog Read online

  “Bernice, get away from him.”

  The couple walked on and Simon was certain he’d been dropped into an episode of the old show The Twilight Zone. No one named anyone Bernice. Her parents should be ashamed.

  Simon threw his bags into the trunk of the car and walked up and down both sides of the street asking anyone if they’d seen Ollie. Walking past Williams Sonoma, Simon spotted a set of amethyst colored wine glasses that were simply perfection for an excellent glass of Cabernet, and before he knew it, he sauntered on into the store. Picking up one of the glasses and looking at it into the light, he twirled it around.

  The clerk came over to him. “We just got those in.”

  “They’re lovely,” Simon said. He set one down and began to pick up another one when his cell rang. It was Nikki. Oh no. Ollie. Oh no. How had he gotten sidetracked so easily? Well, amethyst colored wine glasses in this particular shade were not exactly a dime a dozen. Crap! What if she knew Ollie was missing. She did have this weird sixth sense thing about her. He had no choice but to answer. He needed to sound normal. “Hi Snow White. How’s my favorite lovebird and my brother doing?”

  “Great. The coast is beautiful and we’re having a really good time. How about you? I called the house and didn’t get an answer and then I called Marco on his cell, and he said that you had taken Ollie out for a walk. That’s so sweet. Where are you guys?”

  Simon bit the side of his lip. Think quick. She’s no dummy. “Oh you know, out and about. Just in town for a little exercise.”

  “Good. He’s not dragging you around, now is he? Sometimes he can do that when he’s on the leash.”

  “Oh no. He’s great. Just a peach of a dog. A lion hunter. Love him and I’m like a regular old dog whisperer.”

  “Okay. Are you sure everything is alright?” Nikki asked.

  “Of course it is. Why? What are you asking me? Why wouldn’t it be? It’s not like I would lose him. I mean I know he’s like your child and all.”

  “Right. Good. Well, I’m glad you two are out having fun together. Be careful. And don’t feed him anything that’s not on his diet, okay? He has a very sensitive stomach.”

  “Oh you don’t have to worry about that, and trust me, I am always careful. Careful, careful, careful. Careful is my middle name. Alrighty Snow White, gotta run. Doggie needs me.”

  “Gosh Simon, you really are the best.”

  “Damn,” Simon said flip shutting his phone. “I need to find me that Ridgeback and fast or else, or else, oh God, Nikki will hate me and Marco will know I lied and my brother will kill me.”

  The clerk in Williams Sonoma spoke up, “Would you like the glasses?”

  “No. Of course not. I have to find a dog. A lion hunter to be exact.” Simon ran out of the store and again began cruising the main street in St. Helena. After two hours of walking in and out of stores asking anyone if they’d seen the Ridgeback, he felt defeated. He’d had to work really hard at not touching all the incredible merchandise his itchy fingers wanted to handle, and of course buy.

  He turned the corner and decided to start looking down one of the side streets. About a block away he spotted a big brown dog. He squinted. Could it be? Oh yes, please let it be Ollie. He ran down the sidewalk yelling Ollie’s name, but as he reached the large animal who turned around, Simon realized he’d come face to face with none other than a pit bull baring his teeth at him. Simon turned on his heels and ran back the other way with Cujo in tow. His arms pumping, the beast barking and growling, Simon just knew he was a dead man running. He made it all the way to the Porsche, jumped in and was pulling out of the parking space when the monster jumped up and definitely scratched the side of the car. In hysterics, Simon sped away, sans Ollie, and now what had to be a few hundred dollar new paint job on his beloved sports car. What next? At least he had his new clothes. But as he thought about his purchases, he realized that not even Kenneth Cole nor Gianni Versace could heal his woes. He’d lost man’s best friend, and not just any man, but his b.f.f.’s dog and she was not a he. She was Snow White and had never done a mean thing in her life to Simon, and now he’d have to tell her that he’d lost Ollie, and how, and why. Derek would disown him, Marco would leave him, and Nikki would despise him. All to be dressed to impress. It wasn’t worth it.

  He flipped the car around and decided that without the love of his life, his Snow White and his brother, he would have nothing. The dog, the lion hunter, Ollie was gone. Tears blurred his vision and he choked back a sob that stuck in his throat. Simon had a destination. He jammed the car into fifth and sped down the highway until he reached St. Peter’s Shelter, where he promptly took the bags from Valentino’s and set them on the receptionist’s desk.

  She looked up at him in surprise. “What’s all this?”

  “Some new clothes for some deserving soul.”

  She peered in the bag. “They’re brand new, and well they appear to be rather expensive.”

  Simon nodded.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  He nodded again.

  “Let me write you up a receipt for your taxes, at least.”

  “No. That’s not necessary.” He walked out and drove home, knowing he was headed to his very own persecution.

  By the time he rolled up to the front gates at Malveaux he’d cried himself out while repeatedly listening to Celine sing, “Got Nothing Left.”

  As he turned into Nikki and Derek’s drive praying Marco would not be there so he could have some time to pull himself together before he had to face the music, he slammed on the brakes. “Holy…” He jumped out of the car. There was Ollie standing next to Marco whose arms were crossed. The downturn of his lips meant he was likely not happy.

  “Ollie, Ollie! I have been looking all over for you! I have been up and down and all around and here you are.” Simon bent down and rubbed the dog who gave him one big sloppy lick across the face.

  “Do you want to tell me how you lost the dog?” Marco asked quite coolly.

  Simon stood and for a second thought that maybe the way out of this one was a little white lie. But no, he’d already wracked up one too many bad karma points in the last few hours. He told the truth and nothing but, except for the part about getting sidetracked and nearly buying the wine glasses at Williams Sonoma.”

  Marco stood there, arms still crossed, shaking his head. “You know I had a feeling today that you were using the Ridgeback to be devious and I was right. I followed you this morning.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I watched you go in and get your coffee and croissant, then the fiasco on the side of the road, which was rather funny. And I knew where you were going from there—straight to Valentino’s.”

  “How come I didn’t spot you?” Simon asked.

  “Is that really the point? I drove one of the old trucks we use around here.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh is right.” Marco shook a finger at him.

  “So do you hate me?”

  “I thought about it. But after kidnapping Ollie, I came home and reread some of The Sansibaba’s latest book. I can’t change you and I shouldn’t try. Love is truly loving the person for who they are. So you happen to be a clothes whore and a champagne whore and everything that costs over a hundred dollar whore, but you’re my whore and I love you.”

  Simon hugged Marco and then bent down and hugged Ollie. “You are the best lion hunter ever.”

  “I also know what happened to you after you couldn’t find Ollie,” Marco said. “I got a call about fifteen minutes ago. Apparently you left your wallet in the clothes bag at the shelter. That was a good thing you did.”

  “You think?” Simon asked.

  “Yes. Now we get back in the car, and we go back to St. Helena, and we buy you another new wardrobe. Only this one you keep.”

  “Really?” Simon clapped his hands.

  Simon, Marco, and Ollie climbed back into the Porsche. Marco plugged in his Ipod and turned on “All You Need is Love,” by
The Beatles. Simon and Marco sang along with the band as Ollie stuck his nose up into the wind and howled along with them-- aviator shades in place as they sped back to St. Helena.

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